The first thing I'd like
to know is how Miss Cleo, the fortune teller, got
my phone number, which is not only unlisted, but
unlisted under a name different from mine (you
can't be too careful.)
I
can only conclude that she has something to do
with the government, whose ability to see into
our private lives, into our homes, yes, even into
our bathrooms, is unquestioned. (see my previous article on the toilet
microphone).
In order to investigate
this, I went to a pay telephone and called Miss
Cleo's number. The person who answered told me
they could not accept calls from pay phones. I
said I would drop the $3.99 per minute into the
coin slots but they refused. I said "well
if you're so damn psychic, you know where I live,
talk to me and send me the bill." They hung
up on me.
So I believe Miss Cleo.
If she and her staff didn't have psychic powers,
how would they know I was investigating them and
why would they refuse to talk to me? Perhaps because
they know that I know that only aliens have real
psychic powers. And there we have the connection
between the government and aliens.
I
have seen Miss Cleo's ads on TV. (I watch TV swathed
in silver foil because of the harmful rays and
because of the thought transference which could
easily occur if I were not wearing my foil hat.
I take no chances.) Readers, when Miss Cleo's ad
appears on your TV screen, if there is no foil
available, leave the room immediately. When the
ad is over anoint your body with rock salt. Aliens
hate rock salt, it affects them like it affects
slugs, it makes them shrivel and die. If you ever
suspect anyone of being an alien, throw rock salt
on them. If they react angrily or with surprise,
bingo! you've found them.
As
you might imagine, I receive a great deal of mail
calling me crazy, and/or attempting to refute my
belief in aliens. Who would bother writing such
letters if they had nothing to hide? Calling your
enemies crazy is the oldest trick in the book,
and that's why I keep fifty 25-pound bags of rock
salt in my room at all times. The bags, along with
my several cartons of silver foil, take up a lot
of space, which is why I can't move around too
much, but what is more important, having room to
move, or exposing yourself to aliens? I think the
question answers itself.
--H.H.
FILES 
