Alien Cats
A writer in one
the bulletin boards I associate with suggests
that cats may be creatures from another planet.
This is what the aliens would like us to believe.
Domesticated cats have
been around for five thousand years or more. They
were sacred animals to the Egyptians. Now if you
think that cats are alien creatures, you have to
ask yourselves why, in five thousand years, haven't
the aliens done what they want to do with us. Why
would any civilization smarter than ours hang around
us for five thousand years disguised at cats? This
was the basic theme of the Broadway musical production
of Cats, a theme which was largely ignored by theater
critics.
No,
cats are not aliens, they are as earthbound as
you and me. But for the last sixty years, aliens
have been using them as living cameras. Most cats
disappear for a time, sometimes for ten minutes,
sometimes for days. You cannot find them. It is
during these times that they are under direct control
of the aliens. Minute cameras, smaller than a deer
tick, are inserted into the optic nerve tissue
and into the aural canals of these cats. They send
back direct signals to those in spacecraft who
are monitoring the cats. Or more to the point,
monitoring YOU. Why does your cat
stare at you when IT wants to. Why does it insist
on bathroom privacy? Why does it leap onto your
lap when IT wants to, not when YOU want it to,
like a dog would? Why does cat food taste worse
than dog food?
You don't have to be
a genius to add two and two. In this case, the
answer is two cats plus two cats usually equals
four aliens. The cat's purr, which comes from nobody
knows where, is merely the machinery being reconfigured
every so often. I will be in trouble for writing
this, but that's nothing new. My lead foil cap
is on, my thoughts are my own.
--H.H.
FILES 
